Have you looked up the Big 4 on Urban Dictionary? (OMG) Warning: post contains extreme negativity which I absolutely do not condone.
“Deloitte” comes from the Greek denomination of “De” and “Loitte”. “De” translates directly to “miserable”, with “Loitte” translating to “pathetic human being.” Formerly known as Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, the name was shortened to just “Deloitte” after it was discovered that “Touche” was a 3rd grade version of the word ass, and Tohmatsu was too difficult to say.
Members of the Deloitte firm are easy to spot. During the months of January through March, in preparation for hibernation, Deloitters typically put on between 5 and 65 pounds. Additionally, staffers can be seen aging as if they drank from the wrong Holy Grail during this period. The only members of Deloitte who seem to stay a consistent age are the partners, mostly because they drink and bath [sic] in the youth and souls of staff members.
Deloitte is also a microcasm for the problems of American society. The wealth gap is clearly seen in Deloitte, with partners driving Porsche’s, and staffers riding their new Dyno freestyle BMX’s in January. In addition, Deloitte partners have new HP Tablet laptops, with staffers performing audit work on Abacuses…
Ernst & Young
Similar to the other Big 4 accounting firms, is a form of slavery and injustices. Most people come here to work hundreds of hours per week, only to be paid substantially less than at Deloitte, KPMG, and PWC. They are so cheap with raises they would rather see everyone quit every year than try to pay in line with the other firms. Salaries average $5,000 to $8,000 less than the other Big 4 firms. And the tag line “quality in everything we do” does not apply to senior managers who are the darlings of the partners. It means they can be worthless and not work a hard day in their life while shitting on the seniors. Then once the problems ensue, they just blame the seniors to make it all better.
The cruelest form of punishment known to mankind. Some states are considering the use of KPMG as an alternative to the lethal injection. KPMG offices are characterized by a complete and utter disregard one’s family, friends, and life in general.
Rare mutations of KPMG offices have a thing called Jump-start your weekend whereby staff are encouraged to begin their weekends at 3 pm on Friday afternoons during the summer months. Soon enough do they find out this fallacy applies only to admin’s and other hourly employees as they are constantly hounded by management that they are not meeting their chargeability goals…
An environment/hell, in which the term ‘work-life balance’ is used to convince bright, young professionals to accept jobs. Once on the other side, it becomes apprent very fast that it doesn’t exist, but the majority of employees stay, because the partners continue to say they are “working” to improve ‘work-life balance’.
One question: How long before they figure it out? Answer: NEVER. They will continue to use it as a topic of positive discussion for the future (always in the future).
All of the Big 4 firms most highly rated (by readers) definitions are the same:
The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former [insert firm here] employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks.
All I can say is that these definitions look to be written by employees who are spending too much time on the Internet and wasting perfectly good chargable hours!